The Objectification Paradox

Titian - Venus of Urbino

"He is the Subject, he is the Absolute - she is the Other" - Simone de Beauvoir

My feminism finds its roots in those junior high years alluded to in the previous post, when I discovered that girls are often seen as objects, tools for self-satisfaction, recipients of scorn, the butt of jokes, easy targets in every way.  I didn't know at the time that my abhorrence with this aspect of society was the seed of feminism.  In fact, as a junior in high school taking AP American History I remember arguing at length in papers and with my teacher for an anti-feminist position - I didn't know what I was talking about...In fact, I cringe when I think about what motivated me to want to be "socially conservative" as we say now.

When my oldest daughter was 3 turning 4, I remember her grandmother, my mother in law, whom I adore, asking me if she would like a Barbie for her birthday.  I was brave enough to say, "No, I don't think I really want her to play with Barbies because of what they teach girls about how the female body can be objectified."  Two weeks later, after having sent invitations to all the little girls in her preschool class, for a ballerina themed party no less (irony?), one mother approached me at the preschool all excited, and whispered, "I found the perfect gift!  A ballerina Barbie!"  This time however, I wasn't strong enough.  I said something like "Oh, that's great!"  Inside I felt like a liar and hypocrite - I'm not really a feminist after all. (It was only years later after having internalized Sarah Blafer Hrdy's Mother Nature, that I realized  I was just trying to establish a new allo-mother relationship by compromising my ideals, the perfect feminist situation - women are forced to compromise.  Whereas with my mother in law, the allo-mother relationship was already strong, and showing my disapproval about a Barbie wouldn't harm that bond.)   So, the little girl gave my daughter a Barbie, and the world did not end.  My daughter never really liked playing with that Barbie or subsequent Barbies, but I always felt like I lacked true feminist integrity.

What's worse is that I realize from time to time that I often throw feminism out the window for other more explicitly male-driven values.  For example, every day I experience the pangs of "bad faith" when I get dressed.  I prefer to wear make-up, and joke that I can't leave the house without mascara and lipstick - I know this is a cliche, but I've been known to say it.  I also prefer to wear tighter fitting, hopefully flattering clothes, because it makes me feel more attractive.  And I'm aware that we as women sometimes say that we dress-up for other women, not for men.  I know I dress up for the all female book club or get together, but I can't say that I put lipstick on before going in to the grocery store just for the other women in there.  (N.B.:  Before this goes too far, I do love my husband and am not in the pursuit of another man, consciously.)  I've also been known to rationalise this behavior by saying that it's about self-respect - I think I look better with make-up, and if you're not trying to look your best then you must not think very highly of yourself...Oh this is difficult to write because I am uncomfortable that I even think this way!  And this discomfort is the crux of the problem .

As a feminist I want to change society so that women and girls can be self-determinists.  This means that we can chart our own courses, make choices without the influence of male dominance, patriarchy or objectification.  In order for this to happen the female experience has to be legitimized, and in turn objectifying forces need to be purged from our growing-up experience.  (A great overview of this philosophical scholarship by Diana Meyers can be found at http:/plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminism-self/ - I highly recommend reading it!)  Simone de Beauvoir argued that we as women learn growing up in a male-dominated world to objectify ourselves.  Feminists Sandra Bartky and Susan Babbitt also argue that we as women learn to subvert our own desires and goals because we have been conditioned through patriarchal norms to become more gender-compliant.  I find both of these ideas compelling because they correspond with my own experiences (i.e. why did I argue with my history teacher so vociferously for something that was antithetical to my everyday experience if it wasn't for the force of patriarchal norms affecting me while I was trying to figure out the world and my place in it?)  The issue here is that androcentric (male) values affect us at such a young age that they change who we could be.

Perhaps my love of clothes and make-up, and acknowledgment of (acceptance of, desire for?) the possible sexual power they may enable me to have in society, is all the product of androcentric influences.  What troubles me is that I have no desire to rid myself of these crutches/tools. In fact, as I get older I seem to be using more make-up, dressing up more frequently as I scrutinize the image in the mirror.  I recognize that in the process of choosing clothes and applying make-up I am objectifying myself - I am making myself an object.  Does this mean that I am renouncing my subject self, the self that has autonomy, choice, and freedom?  Or does it mean that I am only loping off 10% of my subject self?  How much make-up, clothes, plastic surgery!, would I need to use to get to a tipping point, where I have  a minority stake in my self?  And most frightening, what am I indoctrinating my daughters with (without their consent mind you) when I show how much I value my object self?

As before I would love to read your ideas on this subject.  Perhaps you can answer some of the questions above.